Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
