Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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