Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
