I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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