Just fell off a train. Bad.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
