wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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