I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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