you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
