he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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