There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
