My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
