I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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