I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
