don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
