I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How does one acquire holy water?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
