Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just pee around me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
