Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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