do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
