I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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