I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
