A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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