I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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