just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
