I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
