It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
