Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
