Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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