Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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