R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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