Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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