There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
