I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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