He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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