Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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