Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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