She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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