If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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