Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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