Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
