Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
