Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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