A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
