She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
