i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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