Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize