the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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