I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
