Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
