'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
