I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
