If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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