Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
