Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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