You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
