My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
