he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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