I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
