just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
