why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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