with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
