Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize