My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
