wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
