My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Buhtt sex?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize