I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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